I really thought the scale would be kind to me today. I didn't have one piece of candy yesterday. Surely I should have dropped at least 3 pounds! But, no - I stayed exactly the same, right down to a 10th of a pound on my digital scale. Ugh! That's okay. I am still in control. Last night, I made my sister's recipe for lentil soup. It's high in protein and fiber, tastes great and is easy to make. The lentils are already steamed from Trader Joes. I added sauteed onions, mushrooms, spinach and hearty vegetable broth. I thought for sure a couple of bowls of that steamy hot goodness would surely make me as skinny as she is. I was wrong. :(
Patti's plate has had some pretty healthy choices on it this past week. I have also been very mindful of my portion control. I attribute my discipline to a "calmness" that I haven't had in a long, long time. When my mind and emotions are going in so many different directions, it is difficult to keep anything in balance, especially my appetite. When I hunger for answers, loyalty, security, happiness, etc., I feed that hunger with food. This last week that hunger has not been as ravenous as it's been in the past. I am not sure why, but I am pretty confident that I will figure it out. So, has the scale reflected my efforts of the last week? Well.... very slightly. However, I do have a small confession to make. I still have leftover Halloween candy! I will be getting it out of the house today.
There is something so comforting about chicken soup. I am just getting over a cold, and this is the second pot of soup I have made for myself this week. It is hot, filling, nutritious and delicious. Not only does it reduce my appetite, but it is a small step I've taken in caring for myself. I have been the sole attendant in a bit of a pity party I threw for myself this last year and I am slowly attempting to "call it a night."
So.... my new favorite beverage is hot lemon water. It may not be great for my teeth, but it is a natural diuretic, full of vitamin C, and has a fresh healthy taste that helps me start my day on a positive note! I still drink my coffee, but not as much as before because I switch to the lemon water. It's filling, makes me less hungry and will help me accomplish what I set out to do over 3 years ago. - LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!
It has been so long since I last wrote. So much has happened in the last few months. I have attempted to start writing again many times, but because there seems to be so much to catch up on, I keep putting it off.....and then get further behind. Well, today is going to be different. Yesterday morning, my life long friend, Debbie, came to visit me. We spent a couple of hours catching up and sharing stories. She inspired me to just take pen in hand, and start writing. So, forgive me if I ramble or don't make sense. Eventually, I hope to get back in my stride. Today is November 7, 2011. Patti has had a lot on her plate lately......and not just food. Thanks, Deb, for being a true friend. (Even during those times when I didn't deserve it)
Oh short memory! I am back to the blame game. Maybe my weight gain isn't my fault after all. It seems that the fat gene is in my family. My father's side of the family leans toward the hefty side. My sister sent me an old picture of me sitting on my Dad's tummy. I looked very content. I idolized my father growing up and maybe, just maybe I have an unconscious desire to be just like him. Hmmm....pineapple upside down cake sounds really good right now.
This blog has been a real downer so far. Complaint after complaint about how fat I am, why I am fat and descriptions of futile attempts to try and get thin. What a joke. I am fat because I am lazy and self indulgent. It hit me last night when I went to an art show featuring the art of my adorable nephew, Tommy. He has the talent and perseverance to not only create his intricate drawings, but he also has the ability to enjoy every moment of every day. I need to learn to be more like him. Last night as he sat in his wheelchair, surrounded by family and friends, he was surprised by his beautiful sister, Angelica. She had just flown in from Barnard College in New York. The biggest smile came to his face as he said, "Life doesn't get any better than this."